Im just attracted to gals, full stop. The idea of 'being' with a guy actually makes me a little bit physically queasy. No offence to the all the lovely boys out there but, you know. Now dont get me wrong, everytime i go out with my disgustingly straigh friends (lol) i get close to a guy and usually hook up with them. Its the done thing. If i didnt do it, im sure several drunken comments ive made would make them a tad suspicious. The thing is, i am always REALLY drunk if i hook up with a guy and i suppose the reason im so 'meh' about it is because it actually means nothing
to me. Its simply a ruse designed to draw the attention away from me drunkenly asking my pal Kat as to whether she thinks that (hot) gal dancing over there might be gay. Subtle, i know lol.
ANYHOO i sort of went off on a tangent there, i spose the point im trying to make is that while sexuality may be fluid for some, im just gay. Like, really
gay. Disgustingly so, infact. And so damn proud
I always knew i was different, waaay back in primary school i felt like there was something setting me apart from the other girls. I suspected i was a bit partial towards the gals and i was petrified i was gay. I remember thinking; "Oh god, why me?" I couldnt believe that out of all the girls in the world, I had to be one of the gay ones. Although I am proud to say that my first real kiss was when i was 11 with a 12 yr old gal, it was so bad, teeth everywhere. But still, I would have done anything to be straight and the same as the others. Stupid, i know. Anyway i always thought i liked boys too, and, like everyone else, i had about 10 boyfriends in my early highschool years, but the thing was, i was convinced that i was totally in love with them untill i started dating them, and i felt all wierd and gross, like it was unnatural. I just assumed (or hoped) i was a giant commitment-phobe. It wasnt untill i was 15 (and attending an all gals school LOL) that i finally admitted to myself i was gay. I was terrified i would be discovered so i alienated every gal who was under suspicion of being gay. Sadly, i had been so influenced by my straight friends that i though that sleeping with a guy was the most important thing. Idiot.
It wasnt untill i came out to my best gal pal at the beginning of this year that i finally let go of boys all together, although i sometimes find myself looking at a guy and thinking; "damn, boy, you are fiiiine". It's like an instinctive reaction, on account of the fact that ive been faking be straight my entire life. Yesterday i was going through the posters in the music shop in and came across a Johnny Depp poster i was all "HOT" until i realised that, oh yeah, im like gay. lol. Its a very bad habit. My friends are all convinced that im in love with the dude who plays batman in Batman Begins. Ew. Lol.
Ok wow hope you didnt fall asleep somewhere in the middle of that puddle of nonsensical twaddle. Completely off topic but i enjoyed writing it so, you know, bite me