- Gipsy Hosking
The following is an account of an actual conversation with my uni doctor:
‘So what can I do for you?’ she asked.
‘Well, I’ve decided to go on the pill to treat the polycystic ovaries. And I also need a repeat script for my anti-depressants.’
‘Hmm, depression. You’ve had a fairly unusual upbringing, haven’t you?’
‘Yeah, I suppose two mums and an anonymous sperm donor is a bit unconventional.’
‘Do you think that has contributed to your depression?’
‘Well, sexuality is a part of it.’
‘So you’re a homosexual?’
Go with the simple answer: ‘Yes.’
‘And how long have you felt like that?’
‘I dunno, since college, late high school maybe.’
‘That’s a bit late – most people have felt that way all their life.’
I frowned defensively. ‘I wasn’t attracted to anyone before that.’
‘Have you had any therapy on this issue?’
‘I’ve been in and out of counsellors for about two years.’
‘Have you seen a psychiatrist?’
‘No.’
‘Have you worked on these issues specifically? Have you said up front “I need to examine the external pressures which have influenced my sexuality”? You need to be assertive and find someone who is good in this area.’
I felt confused; I shook my head. What issues? I don’t have sexuality issues. What is she talking about?
‘You see, you have had unique pressures on you. It’s quite possible that unconsciously you
identify as homosexual to show your parents you hold no prejudice towards them and you
approve of their lifestyle choice. You’re saying “see I don’t care that you’re gay because I’m
gay too”.’
What?! I asked myself silently.
‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of,’ she said. ‘All children want to please their parents.’
‘Yeah, but my parents don’t care, they just want me to be happy with whoever.’
‘I just think you should go talk things over with a psychiatrist so that you can discover your
true sexual identity, not the one that you have been putting on. You need to examine the
pressures that have made you feel that this is the only option. Have you had a relationship
with a male?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good, because you don’t want to be limited to the corner you have backed yourself into. There is a whole range of sexualities, you know.’
Well duh.
‘You don’t have depression,’ she went on, ‘you have ‘life issues’ you need to resolve. You may not agree with me now, but you will go home and think about it.’
Yeah, I’ll think about how unjust and discriminating you were, and how angry I am.
‘So you want to use the contraceptive pill?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘but as treatment not a contraceptive.’
‘Okay but just remember to use a condom if you have sex in the next month because you can still get pregnant then. And come back if you want me to refer you to someone to talk about your sexual identity crisis.’
Did you just listen to anything I said? No. Because you cut me off every time I opened my mouth to say something. You discounted all of my experiences and my intellect. I could not have asked for better parents, they always put my brother and I first. Of course I’d hold no prejudice towards them because prejudice is learnt, not innate. I’d like to see you repeat that ‘theory’ to a heterosexual person, ask them to examine the pressures that made them heterosexual and suggest they don’t limit their choices before having a homosexual experience. Why can’t people just accept me as I am?